BREAKING the 20 YEAR BARRIER…

As I sit here to write this, I am in my room at The Pierre hotel overlooking Central Park in NYC.  This is a beautiful (expensive) property, but its value is more sentimental to me than anything else.  This is the first hotel that I ever spent the night in with my amazing wife Kelly.  That was almost two decades ago when the hotel was a Four Seasons (now a Taj hotel).  We have returned here to celebrate our 20-year Anniversary.The evening we spent here all those years ago was magical.  I took her to Sardi’s for a pre-theater cocktail…. then we had 3^rd row seats for Phantom of the Opera (when it was the hottest show on Broadway)….Then we took a limo to Tavern on the Green for a romantic dinner….and topped it off with a horse and carriage ride through the park back to the hotel as we sipped on some Dom Perignon!

I knew I had one shot at this hot young lady, and I made that shot count!  So much has happened since then and being here is bringing back all kinds of memories.  Prior to being with Kelly, the longest relationship I had ever had was about 5 years.  At one point in my life, I never envisioned that I would find someone that I would want to spend several decades with.  It is truly amazing how time flies when you are having fun.

We have done soooooooooooo much together.  We have traveled all over the country non-stop for business and pleasure.  We have also done quite a bit of international travel over the last 5 years.  We have eaten in some of the world’s best restaurants…. we have seen dozens of Broadway plays…. We’ve been to a bunch of great sporting events……We have had the amazing pleasure of seeing our precious daughters grow up and blossom into little ladies….We have had numerous romantic getaways….It has been a blast!

Marc Accetta and Kelly Accetta in Rome with family

I know that they say all relationships/marriages are work.  Kelly and I have definitely had our moments, but in general it has been effortless!  It really has.  We have so much in common and truly enjoy each other’s company.  We have not only been together 20 years…we have worked together 20 years as well.  That is another thing that people say is a difficult feet to achieve, but it has been a joy for us.

If there was any hard work involved, it was by her in the early years of our relationship when I was quite a bit less mature and aware than I am now.  Heck, I was only in my early to mid 30’s…. Most men don’t hit emotional maturity until our mid-forties. (LOL)  I was definitely a handful in the beginning, but she was very patient, and I would like to think that it has been worth her patience.

Since those early years, we have been totally in sync.  She has truly been the wind beneath my wings, and I would like to think I have returned the favor for her.  She is definitely my biggest fan, as I am hers.

A few years ago, she took on the challenge of welcoming my mom, dad, and special needs adult brother into our home.  She has taken over as their primary care giver as well as being a spectacular mother to our daughters, and the CFO for our companies.  She is my hero!

It is so sad that people are virtually amazed when we tell them we are celebrating 20 years together.  I guess in this day and age, it really is unusual for people to be together that long.  If there were any advice I could offer to people on their way to breaking the 20-year barrier, it would be this:

• Find someone who is your best friend over someone who you think is hot (although I got to do both)
• Don’t spend all your time with your children.  Have some romantic dates and exotic getaways to keep you romance alive.
• Find someone who you can laugh with….over the funny things, and more importantly, over the tough things that will arise.
• Don’t take your partner for granted.
• And…….most importantly……have lots of great sex!

I have to go now as we are off to Per Se’ for what promises to be an unforgettable Anniversary dinner.  I look forward to the opportunity to have another amazing 20 years with my sweetheart, and writing a follow up blog about it from the Pierre.

Winds of Change

Human beings are an unusual bunch.  The one thing in life that will never change is, that things are constantly changing…..yet humans cannot seem to wrap their minds around the fact that change is natural and inevitable.  

Change affects us all in many ways. The changes in the world economy have had a profound impact on many in the last year.  Changes with the environment have an effect on everyone as well.  One of the most difficult forms of change is when your child (who you still refer to as your baby…..bad idea….will discuss the power of words in a future blog) starts attending a new school.  Whether it is elementary school, middle school, high school or college, graduating to the next step is often tougher for the parents than the students themselves.

My wife and I recently had to deal with this phenomenon when our oldest daughter started High School.  It was quite a step for her…..and us.   Many parents have the hardest time letting their children blaze their own paths.  We know that they are naïve to the ways of the world.  We know that their path will be littered with some people that will try to take advantage of them.  As a parent/protector, it is very had to let go.

My good friends experienced the same thing with their son who started Kindergarten this week.  Different situation and setting, but definitely the same emotions.  It is hard to accept that you will not be their only influence in their lives any longer.  They will have teachers and friends who will now matter more than you do in some situations.

Ironically, I also have a good friend who just dropped their oldest son off at a major university to begin their college career.  She said that that was the toughest to bear of all, since you are no longer living with them on a day to day basis any more.  That is when it sinks in that, although they will always be your child, they have truly moved out and they will never actually going to be a child again.

One bit of advice that I can share with all parents is that we must understand that our job as a parent is to raise our children to leave us.  That is the ultimate graduation.  Talk about bitter-sweet!   It is a tough way to look at it, but it is the healthiest way to look at it as well. We are not doing ourselves or our children a favor by creating someone who is co-dependent on us.  It is our job to create an independent soul that can think and act for themselves.  We need to let go and let them peruse their own dreams…even though we may not understand or agree with them.  We need to let them skin their knees in the real world.  We simply need to let them have the freedom to learn from their own experiences that we demanded from our own parents when the time was right.

There are many books that help us deal with change, but the one that stands out to me is, Who Moved My Cheese, by Dr. Ken Blanchard.  It is the story about a couple of mice and their quest to find cheese once they discover that it is not in the place that they had always known it to be, Simple, yet a highly effective story. 

As a matter of fact, I assigned my youngest (10 yr old) daughter to read it this summer, and she totally grasped the main message.  That’s my kind of book, something that a ten year old can understand.

Change is inevitable.  Don’t try to avoid or deny it, but rather embrace it.   God obviously did not intend us to get too comfortable, so learn to roll with the changes in your life.  Be flexible and open to new situations and you will definitely live a happier and more relaxed life.